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May 14, 2003

We’re Number One!

Good morning America. There’s reason to rejoice. It didn’t look so good for a while there. You probably thought we weren’t going to be able to top the record. And then, this morning I was browsing the internet and decided to check in with the Iraq Body Count website http://www.iraqbodycount.net and there it was. The news we have all been eagerly awaiting. We have indeed broken the record, and yes, we are still number one. The crown and the standard that al-Qaeda briefly held of 2996 innocent civilians killed in Twenty-First century terrorist actions was again topped by the United States.

America’s first attempt to regain the crown in Afghanistan was wildly successful. We were able to take out between 3,000 and 3,400 innocent Afghanis, but there were some observers who felt that the U.S. wouldn’t be able to beat that record with the eyes of the world so closely watching. But with a masterful mixture of cruise missiles, cluster bombs, bunker-busters, and hundreds of thousands of artillery shells, as well as crack marksmen of the U.S. Marines and Army, U.S. sponsored terrorism reigns supreme. The current count of between 3760 and 4795 dead Iraqi civilians leaves no doubt. We are number one, but as we look down the road we have a real challenge before us. Can we break our record again, as we find new justifications to attack Syria, Iran and anyone else who looks cross-eyed at us" I think so. God Bless America.

Johnny Peaceseed